Everytime It Rains
by SpiritedRinoa
Summary: [Songfic] Padme is forced to make a decision about Anakin, but will she regret it for the rest of her life?


**Every Time it Rains**

An Anakin/Padme songfic 

Disclaimer: I'm making no money off this…I have no money, so don't sue. Characters belong to the mastermind George Lucas and the lyrics are from "Every Time it Rains" by Ace of Base. 

**_I see dark clouds out my window   
I know the storm is coming any minute   
And the thunder just confirms my fears _**

Padmé gazed out at the sky. The drops of water slid down the glass of her bedroom window as the dark clouds formed on the horizon. Her lips froze into an ironically amused smirk. Large storms were rare here; Naboo usually saw nothing more than light showers. It seemed to be a sign of things to come to the young senator. She found her thoughts turning to a certain young Jedi Knight. It had been several months since she had seen him last. This was the longest that they had gone without seeing one another. Several long months that seemed an eternity. Their contact was limited, and had to remain so. Their marriage had to remain a secret. If the Jedi Council ever found out that Anakin had gone against his commitment to the Order…Padmé shuddered at the thought of the possible consequences.

**_And I know the tears are in there   
I'll be crying unable to stop   
Look here comes the very first drop_**

B_ut there are some things that can't be kept secret forever_, she thought to herself. Her hand and her gaze moved to her stomach, which was already beginning to swell with the signs of pregnancy. _How much longer before they find out our secret, Anakin? How much longer before I will have a chance to tell you?_ She had mixed feelings about telling Anakin that he was to be a father. _How will you take the news?_ She felt another shudder run through her. Something was very wrong. Closing the curtains, she turned back to the mess on her bed and continued to pack for her trip to Coruscant. There was contention throughout the senate as to whether or not the Trade Federation still posed an immediate threat to the Republic. Many felt safe enough with the presence of the army, and were beginning to feel that it was time for Chancellor Palpatine to give up emergency powers. Padmé was among the group that felt so, although she respected the man and felt he had good judgment in such matters. She secretly hoped that her Ani would return from his mission while she was there. A half-hearted smile crossed her face, darkened by the unshakable thought that disaster was on the horizon. 

**_'Cause every time it rains   
I fall to pieces   
So many memories the rain releases_**

"Senator Amidala," Chancellor Palpatine gave her a warm greeting. "It's always a pleasure to be graced with your presence." He smiled. 

"I thank you, Chancellor," Padmé said politely as she respectfully acknowledged him with a slight bow of the head. 

"It's a pity that you only pay us visits when duty calls, Senator." Padmé had to agree; it was a pity. 

The door to the Chancellor's office opened. "Chancellor Palpatine?" The familiar voice caused Padmé's heart to leap into her throat. She took a deep breath and turned to face the speaker. 

"Anakin, you've returned from your mission I see," Palpatine was quick to greet the young man. 

Anakin didn't hear Palpatine, however. His gaze was focused on the Senator of Naboo. "It's been a long time, Padmé." His expression was filled with love, longing…and something else, though Padmé couldn't place the emotion. It was something that she had only seen in his eyes once before; and it had terrified her as much then as it did now. The memory sent a chill down her spine, causing her to shiver. Something was definitely wrong; something about her Ani had changed. "Are you cold, M'lady?" Anakin asked as he noticed her shiver. She only hoped he couldn't read her thoughts. With a grin, he removed his cloak and placed it on her shoulders. 

She gave him an appreciative glance. "Thank you, Anakin," she pulled the cloak around her as though it would shield her from any outside danger. 

"Anakin," Chancellor Palpatine said, catching the Jedi Knight's attention. "Senator Amidala has just arrived here from Naboo. Could you possibly escort the Senator to her suite? I would do so myself, but some last minute business has come up, I'm afraid." 

"Of course, Chancellor," Anakin said with a bow as he offered Padmé his arm and took leave of Palpatine.

**_I feel you... I taste you  
I cannot forget _**

"It's been a long time, Anakin," Padmé echoed his earlier greeting as they stepped out of the airlift and headed to her suite. "Much too long…" Her hands shook as she tried to unlock her suite. _Why am I so nervous? It's like…I'm meeting him for the first time or something._

She felt his warm hands cover hers as he raised them to his lips and kissed them. "Are you alright, Padmé? You're trembling." He slipped the key out of her shaking hands and unlocked the door. He entered the large room and set her luggage bag down near the armoire. Padmé slipped out of the cloak that she had pulled around her so tightly and glanced up into the mirror in front of her, feeling her husband's gaze follow her. 

"When did you return from your mission? Are you expected back at the temple soon?" she asked without taking her gaze off the mirror. She still wasn't quite sure how to tell him the wonderful, awful news. No matter how they decided to handle the…matter…one of them would be forced to sacrifice a great deal. 

"I returned late last night. I was going to contact you today, but Palpatine informed me this morning that the Senate has been called together to discuss the status of the emergency situation. He called on me this afternoon, I'm not expected back for some time." He embraced her from behind and locked gazes through the mirror. He grinned his classic Anakin smile and she relaxed a bit. Finally she turned away from the mirror into his embrace. She tipped her head up, instantly caught up in the depth of his gaze. He reached up to stroke her cheek with a gentle hand as he lowered his mouth to hers. 

_Perhaps I had only imagined that look in his eyes earlier_, Padmé thought. _You're just afraid. _

"What's wrong, Padmé? You're shaking again," Anakin asked, a concerned look on his face as he led her to the edge of the bed, urging her to sit. 

She found herself stumbling over the words "It's just…Anakin…there's something…" A knock on the door interrupted them. Anakin scowled as Padmé stood and moved to the door. "Yes?" 

A young man stood at the door. He bowed respectfully and straightened up again before addressing the Senator. "M'lady, your presence is requested by the Jedi Council." 

"Of course," she replied, glancing back at Anakin, who remained near the bed with a scowl frozen on his face. "Tell them that I shall be along shortly." 

**_Every time it rains... I get wet _**

The Senator approached the room where the Jedi Council so often met. Her pace was so quick, that Anakin had had difficulty keeping up to her. "Padmé, slow down! You've just arrived from Naboo; to be sure, they don't expect you to come immediately upon summons." His words came out lightheartedly, but she knew that Anakin was irritated by the sudden interruption; and possibly even more irritated that she had insisted on seeing them immediately. 

She stopped and wheeled around quickly, facing her beloved Jedi Knight. "Anakin, you should not be here," she hissed at him in hushed tones as she caught his gaze. "When we were wed, we agreed that we would keep it unspoken. I _will not_ allow you to risk banishment from the Jedi Order for this…for me…" As she spoke, a strange expression crossed his face and he looked away. "Anakin…?" 

"Go," he said coolly. "They'll be waiting for you." 

Padmé entered the room, bowing her head slightly as she entered. "Glad to see you, we are, Senator," the ancient Jedi spoke in greeting. "Please sit." He gestured to an open chair. 

"Thank you, Master Yoda. It's a pleasure to be here," she said politely, though her mind was still stuck on Anakin's parting words, his parting expression. 

"Think so, you may not, after you learn of why you were called here," the wise one stated ominously. "Many things have we observed in Young Jedi Skywalker." Padmé closed her eyes, already sensing where the conversation was going. "In danger you are, Senator, for Skywalker has opened himself up to the Dark side. Much anger he has, much hatred he has, grown possessive he has." 

"Why am I in danger?" she asked, wringing her hands together. 

"Senator, the Council has known for some time of your relationship with Skywalker. But to intervene would have made the situation worse," Mace Windu stated. "Skywalker has shown a strong susceptibility to the Dark side since he was first presented to us. His training was eventually permitted in spite of many protests. However, that side has grown stronger since the Clone Wars began. He shows little self-control, and too much negative emotion. He is very dangerous." 

"Poisoned his mind, a Sith has," Yoda said, after a moment of silence. "Go into hiding you must. To protect the child you carry. Strong in the force the child will be. Susceptible to the Dark side, like its father." Yoda shook his head sadly. 

"Arrangements will be made for you, somewhere that you will be safe," Mace continued. "We cannot force you to go, of course. The final decision is yours; think deeply on this matter tonight, and reveal nothing to Skywalker." 

"And if I refuse to leave?" Padmé questioned as she stood. "If I do not believe what you have told me?" 

"Then doomed the Republic is, and the Jedi will fall," Yoda replied with deep sorrow in his voice.

**_Darling I am still in love with you   
As time passes by it just intensifies _**

"Padmé? What's wrong?" Anakin had been standing by a large window inside her suite, flying to the door the instant that she had arrived. He gently held her face in his hands, tilting her head up and softly kissing her eyelids. "You've been crying. Why?" His eyes darted across her face, searching for answers. 

She forced a smile and a slight laugh. "Nothing's the matter, I merely got some dust in my eyes; they should really do a better job of cleaning the senatorial suites." 

He frowned for a moment, as though he were contemplating her honesty, suddenly pulling her into a tight embrace. How could she leave the man that she loved with all her heart and soul? Her Ani was a good man, even if he hadn't always made good choices; why couldn't they see that? She gave a small sigh of comfort at being in his strong, warm arms. If there was truth in what they said, why did she feel safe here? How could her Ani ever put her in danger? She felt his finger traces a path across her cheek and brush across her lips. Her head swam as she closed her eyes contentedly, inviting his lips. Then she felt him sweep her up into his arms and carry her into the bedchamber, where they would relive their passionate wedding night. 

**_I know I'll never be with you again  
I'll never find another with that kindness in his eyes _**

That night, with Anakin sleeping soundly next to her, she tossed and turned. Tormented by her thoughts and her dreams, she could only come up with questions that she had no answers for. Had she imagined those terrifying expressions of Anakin's, or were they a part of him that was only now beginning to show itself? Would the Jedi Council really have suggested such drastic measures if they weren't completely sure that they were necessary, or was it some Jedi punishment for those who went against the Jedi code? 

"Padmé," Anakin groaned as he rolled over in his sleep. "We'll find a way to make it work, we'll be happy, I promise you. I love you, just say that you'll marry me…" He rolled over again and stopped talking. Padmé's heart caught in her throat; her Ani was a good man. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, trying to stop the tears from flowing as she nestled up to her husband. While he seemed to be the same, but at the same time, he seemed…changed somehow, thought she couldn't really put her finger exactly how or why. 

Her Ani _was_ a good man; but she didn't know if _this _Ani was still the same man. 

**_I'll be crying unable to stop  
Look here comes the very first drop _**

As Padmé woke, she saw Anakin sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling on his tunic. "Good morning," she spoke softly. 

"Morning," Anakin replied, as he turned around and stretched out on his stomach. "I couldn't bear to wake you this morning, you were sleeping so peacefully." He leaned forward a bit and his lips lightly brushed her forehead. 

"Are you leaving?" She felt the same rush of sadness that always swept over her when they had to part. 

"I must. The Chancellor wishes to speak with me. He was busy last night when you were at the Temple. I will see you again before you have to return to Naboo, I promise." Padmé nodded quietly, frowning at the mention of Palpatine and biting her lip to stop the flood of tears that threatened to flow. There would be no "again." This was it; this was where it ended. Her beloved Jedi misread the meaning of her tears as he embraced her. "It won't be so long this time, I give you my word on that." He held her at arm's length and gazed at her lovingly. "Padmé, I love you." The words almost broke her heart and resolve. "If there is anything in the galaxy that I can give to you, it's yours for the asking. Someday…someday soon, it won't have to be like this – the sneaking around, the secrecy…it will be different…" He stood and, with a final kiss and a tender caress, turned toward the door. "But for now, I must go. I love you, Padmé, and I will be back soon." 

"I love you," she whispered as her husband disappeared through the door. She etched that final image of him into her brain, knowing that that would be her last memory of him. He who was her Jedi protector would soon cease to exist, replaced by a man that she couldn't call 'husband.' He would soon be a man consumed by fear, anger, hate…and even love; all the things that are forbidden by the Jedi Order. "Good-bye, Anakin." 

**_'Cause every time it rains   
I fall to pieces  
So many memories the rain releases _**

It had been almost a year since that day that she had said good-bye to Anakin for the final time. She hadn't seen or spoken to him since that final kiss, that final good-bye. Even now, thinking back on it, the moment was the most painful one of her life. 

_Second most painful_…she reminded herself, her heart turning to ice as she remembered having her newborn son, Luke, taken from her. He was sent with Obi-wan to live with Owen and Beru, to protect the Force-strong infant from his father and the Sith. A tear slid down her cheek; they were good people, but it was like losing Anakin all over again when she was forced to give up Luke for his own safety. 

She closed her eyes and rocked back and forth in her chair in the nursery; Leia was her only reason for living now; the only light in her life. The people of Alderaan were in no way cruel to her, and the planet was in no way disagreeable, but Padmé detested it all the same. Alderaan wasn't Naboo, and she had grown homesick long ago. She ached inside to think of how worried her family was. It was common knowledge who…_what_…Anakin had become. Padmé shook her head vehemently. _No…that's not Anakin. Anakin Skywalker is dead, murdered by that monster in the dark helmet. My husband could never be such a monster_. 

How Padmé longed to go home! Home to Naboo, to her family waiting there…home to both of her children…and mostly, home to her loving husband. Without Anakin, without Luke, she felt like only half a person, incomplete. Leia managed to fill that void somewhat, but fixing a shattered heart was far too difficult a job for an infant. 

**_I feel you... I taste you   
I cannot forget   
Every time it rains... I get wet _**

The nights were the worst, without Leia's demands for attention, Padmé's mind was left to wander. She tossed and turned. A different night, the same routine. What little slumber she did manage to get was filled with dreams of _him_. Sometimes that were happy dreams, brought on by her never ending list of 'what ifs,' others were nightmares that seemed so real that she often needed to make sure Leia was still in her crib. Sometimes, she found herself wishing that Vader would come find her. Anakin had to still be in there…somewhere. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sudden feeling that she was being watched. She sensed a well-known presence, one that she hadn't sensed for over a year. 

_"Why did you leave me?"_ The familiar voice begged an answer. Padmé rose and went to the window, where the voice seemed to be traveling from. She pulled the window open and looked out into the vast darkness. 

"I was frightened," she began through her tears. "The man I had married had already begun to fade away. I no longer knew you." 

_"Everything I have every done was out of love for you. You were my salvation; when I lost you, I lost my light, my only hope."_ He had just confirmed her greatest fears; she had run from him when she could have saved him. She bit her lip and looked down. 

"You allowed Palpatine to manipulate you! You're no longer a man…you're no longer Anakin! You're a monster full of hate and rage!" she heard herself scream as the blazing red lightsaber came crashing down on her. 

Covered in sweat, Padmé shot up in bed. _Another nightmare. _She struggled to catch her breath as a handmaid rushed into the room. _It was only a nightmare… _The screams no longer disturbed the whole palace, and the handmaids had gotten used to the nightly shrieks of terror. 

**_On sunny days I'm all right  
I walk in the light   
And I try not to think about   
The love I live without _**

Padmé always welcomed daylight. It brought on busy days and an end to the non-stop nightmares. The sunlight streaking through the trees warmed her face. She watched Leia toddle around the field. On days like today, sitting in the sun, watching her daughter at play, Padmé _almost_ felt normal. There would always be a hole in her heart, but sometimes it ached worse than others. 

"Mama! Flowers!" The two year old toddled over to her and plopped down on the blanket. She held out her hand, offering the bouquet of daisies to her mother. Padmé's mind drifted back to a picnic in Naboo's lush fields so long ago, when a young Padawan braved a Shaak. A small smile crossed her face, along with a wave of sadness. "Mama?" Leia slid over to her. "Why so sad?" Padmé came out of her trance and forced a smile, tousling the young girl's hair. 

"It's nothing, Leia-sweetie, I was just thinking of someone that I knew a long time ago." 

"Before me, Mama?" 

Padmé laughed. "Yes, Leia, before you." ****

**_But every time it rains   
I fall to pieces  
So many memories the rain releases   
I feel you... I taste you   
I cannot forget _**

****News of the Rebellion against the Empire came less and less frequently, while Padmé's nightmares increased. Soon, Padmé's worst fears, her greatest hopes, had been realized. Vader had found her, and he was heading to Alderaan. She felt torn in two by her emotions; she could no longer stay with Leia, for doing so would inevitably lead to Vader discovering that Leia was the daughter of Anakin and Padmé Skywalker. She wanted to be with Anakin, but she was deathly terrified of Vader, the man who haunted her nightmares. 

Master Windu had come from the far reaches of the outer rim to personally escort Padmé away from Alderaan with two hopes; the first being to draw Vader's army away from Alderaan and Leia, and the second being to find a safe place for Padmé. Padmé knew that the second part was impossible; she wanted…she _needed_ him, and he wanted and needed her. He had found her because she had wanted to be found, even if only on a subconscious level. She had reached out to him, she had cried out to him; and he had finally heard and listened. He was coming for her. And finally they could be together again. 

**_Every time it rains...I get wet   
'Cause every time it rains   
I fall to pieces   
So many memories the rain releases   
I feel you... I taste you   
I cannot forget   
Every time it rains... I get wet _**

The small ship had been easily overtaken by Vader's spacecraft. It had swallowed the small ship whole, and the only thing standing between Padmé and Anakin was the metal of Master Windu's ship. Padmé felt a rush of emotion overtake her. This was where she wanted to be, yet at the same time, she wished that she were anywhere else. _I will not think of them when he comes,_ she told herself quickly. She could give herself over too him, much too easily; but she could never betray her children. The ship's hatch opened, and a dark figure entered the craft, drawing his lightsaber as he came closer. Padmé trembled in fear. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she had always imagined that he would be _Anakin_ when he came for her. "Master Windu," Vader said in his deep, not-Anakin voice. "Prepare to meet your death." 

"I don't think so," Mace said, quickly wielding his saber as Vader's came crashing towards him. Padmé watched in horror, frozen in fear, as the two clashed sabers, circling around the small interior of the ship. The duel seemed to move in slow motion, each blow placed like a perfectly choreographed dance. After a few short turns around the interior, Mace got the upper hand, raising his saber high, he quickly cut down and forward, aiming for Vader's chest. 

"Anakin!" Padmé felt her throat go dry as she screamed the name that hadn't passed through her lips in an eternity. The next thing she was aware of was a searing, burning pain in her chest, and two arms catching her and gently lowering her to the floor. All the sounds blurred into one. Suddenly there was only one sound, the sound of a steady, deep breathing. She felt the two arms lift her up into his and cradle her. 

"Padmé." The breathing sounds had stopped and it was Anakin's voice…his _real_ voice, that she heard. "Padmé, why?" 

"I couldn't…" she began, flinching in pain at the burning in her chest. "…couldn't give up on you twice in a lifetime." She could hear Anakin's breathing become labored. Did that mask keep him alive? Was he going to allow himself to die? "I love you, I never stopped loving you…" the pain was beginning to consume her. He buried his face in her hair, kissed her forehead, her lips. She could feel the life slipping out of her as she reached up and stroked his cheek. "…I just never knew how to save you…" she finished, drawing her final breaths. She closed her eyes, a small smile forming on her face. After four years of nightmares, four years of heartache, she could finally be at peace. 

She had come home. ****

**_'Cause every time it rains   
I fall to pieces  
So many memories the rain releases   
I feel you... I taste you   
I cannot forget   
Every time it rains... I get wet _**


End file.
